Reasons we love working at a campground…
I'm sure we'll make it this year.
1. Apparently, golf carts carrying bundles of wood or ice are allowed inside the reservation building.
2. We get customers with names like “Maria Broccoli” and “Steeve” (Yes, two e’s). And of course, our favourite camper ever, Brent Fudge.
3. Dave.
4. Mr. A.
5. Dave’s songs. (Including the hit classic “Who’s the friendlest bear around…” spelled as “friendlest” and the best selling single “It’s nine o’clock it’s nine o’clock it’s time to close the pool!”)
6. We work with an Ashton Kutcher look-a-like.
7. Access to internet and penny candies.
8. There’s always a chance you may have to dress up as a giant bear.
9. We get asked intelligent questions such as, “Can I get my change in English?”, “When do they turn the falls off at night?”, and “Can you hear the falls roar from your campsite?”
10. We get worthy complaints such as, “There was too much dust on the road!”
11. The Jesus rating. The triple J.
12. We have cool names for our employees, like Gatehouse Greg and Bossman Jim.
13. We hand out GAY passes.
14. Dave’s random limping and outbursts (Such as, *opens door* OH MY GOD IT’S A GIANT UMBRELLA! *closes door*)
15. The winners.
16. People read us their WHOLE confirmation number, (P00106001666) when we really only need the last four digits. Or, the lady who said on the answering machine, “POO one zero…”.
17. One six six six. Sixteen sixty-six!? What kind of freaky devil number is that!?
18. We can never hear or understand anyone on the phone when we make a reservation and end up spelling their last name as FAAT instead of SAAD.
19. Customers who say their phone numbers as four-five-ho-three-two-ho-six.
20. People refer to our BooBoo cabins as “Booby Cabins”.
21. Two campgrounds, one phone line and the apparently difficult explanation we give to people who think they’re calling Niagara Glen-View. “It’s no longer a campground.” “Oh, so what are your rates?” “… it’s… not open for camping. It’s a hotel now.” “Oh, so can I bring my tent?” “This is a different campground, the Niagara Glen-view was sold.” “So where is the Glen-view now?”
22. Our flood picture. “YOU WANNA SEE RAIN!?”
23. The memories of Greg and Jeff spraying the fluffs.
24. The intercom at the gate, and the children and campers who insist on pressing the buzzer which rings in our office and holding the button down for an unnecessarily long amount of time.
25. June. And not the month.
26. People constantly asking, “What tokens does the game room take?” To which we reply, “It takes Loonies”. “Can I have some tokens?”
27. BooBoo tripping over the fire pit, and being beheaded in front of innocent children.
28. Operation Execute All Fish in the Fish Pond the day before the inspector arrives.
29. The very classy Indian Heads.
30. Because you never know when Amanada and Adrienne will break out into song.
31. Themed weekends. And in 2007, Haunaka in July.
32. We get to give exchange rate lectures.
33. Bus driver Jenn.
34. The free case of harmonica bananas. And the fact that we’ve actually sold them all within a week and a half.
35. The annual staff party and the chaos that ensues. “I’m not leaving until I find my water bottle!” (but, we burnt it in the fire), “This shirt makes my boobs look big!”, “I did not feel included in the community fire!” (. . . said a camper who wasn’t even invited to the STAFF party).
36. The shuuuuutle bus. (Said like Dave).
37. Some random camper takes a crap in the shower, and despite our efforts to clean it, each time someone goes to clean it up, someone ELSE is taking a shower WITH the crap.
38. Rockin’ Robin and his harassing phone calls to Shanda where he never leaves a message or his name, yet we all know who he is.
39. Cindy’s Kitchen; always there, never open.
40. The love octagone.
41. The high-tech, high-speed reservation taking machines! And always dependable smart select.
42. The fact that these following SIMPLE instructions are apparently extremely difficult to follow: “This is your gate pass. To get through the gate, enter the eight numbers on the back and press enter.”
43. “I don’t need the wifi you sold me! I have the number here!” *Shows back of gate pass, with the GATE number*.
44. Bobble-head. Enough said.
45. Yogi’s friend Aladdin cruising in, driving the lincoln with Princess Jasmine in tow.
46. Aladdin coming in to tell us that he’s cancelling.
47. People always get angry when they’ve been too stupid to make a reservation at the right campground and yell at us because it’s our fault we’re not Jellystone Toronto or the KOA.
48. All the calls we get thinking that our family campground is a sex hotline. “Are you wearing panties?”
49. “How far are you from (Insert name of ridiculously small town NO one has heard of)?”
50. Dave’s gate pass creation system.
51. Telephone answering races.
52. Our hit game, Guess the number of check-ins left!
53. It is our duty to “Lock ‘em in!”
54. Dave’s French. “Down dere… tree five tree”
55. Sphincter.
56. All the sexual innuendos that go along with camping. (Ie. Let me take you down here on this computer, How big is it?)
57. Because you never know when you’re going to get double shifted.
58. Each and everytime Jim has to dress up as Yogi Bear.
59. Ranger’s squat and duck.
60. Putting people on hold and totally forgetting about them. Remembering 20 minutes later and they’re still there waiting.
61. “Can I get some Lupins?” “Do you mean loonies?”
62. The eagers. *Walks in door, whips out travel binder, flips through our website printed out and inserted in binder full colour, “I’m confirmation number 4763, red carpet site number 514, last name Smith, John, Smith.”*
63. The Aladdin sign.
64. NASON! ANDREA! SMILEY! SPARKLES!
65. People constantly complain that the gate code is too long. We don’t make it. Shut up and enter it.
66. Random cabin checks by random oriental women.
67. The fact we regularly get asked, “Can you give me directions from my house?”
68. All the messed up people who call. “I’m so sad! I just got back from the Caribbean.” (And the fact that guy called TWICE and had the SAME story five months apart).
69. “When do you close?” “October 15th.” “Oh, can I come camping in November?” “No, we’re closed.” “So no one will be there?” “That’s right.” “You’re closed?” . . .
70. Enforcing our cancellation policy means we ‘don’t care’ that it’s raining and that you don’t want to camp in the rain. It’s even better when we give you a break and only charge you $10 to cancel instead of losing your deposit because you’re cancelling the day before you’re supposed to arrive and you whine like a little baby because OMG IT MIGHT RAIN.
71. People always ask if they can buy the “Great GEORGE Adventure Pass”.
72. Waking up in a cold sweat wondering if you put a 40ft motorhome in the tent section.
73. At least once a year Bossman Jim has to break up a domestic fight happening in the tenting area.
74. Druken idiots jumping over the fence, into the pool (after it's closed) MINUTES after Dave has just poured ten gallons of chlorine in it. And the only remark she has is, "It feels warm!" "LADY! GET OUT OF THE POOL! YOUR SKIN IS BURNING! GO TAKE A SHOWER RIGHT NOW!"
75. The amount of chlorine and the burning of children's eyes when they go swimming.
76. Children who have an accident in the pool, resulting in the temporary closing of the pool, and the mother that doesn't care if her children are swimming in poop.
77. The Yogi Bear fetish fanatics. Who are mostly over fifty, and main goal in life is meeting Yogi and BooBoo.
78. The children who place rocks in the mini-putt holes, and Jenn having to get down on her hands and knees to unclog the hole.
79. Jayne cooking breakfast.
80. Cat in washroom. Death "poke". Mr. A. Enough said.
81. Truck rides around the park with Mr. A. "I gotta show you something, come with me!"
82. The finding of Thumper acting like Walt Disney... (Frozen solid)
83. The fact that when someone does something retarded, we can put a violation on their site. We get such winning violations, such as "Was found dancing around campsite to loud disco music at 2am".
84. We get to play 20 questions just to figure out what date someone is checking in on. "And when would you be coming in?" "Oooh, I don't know. Sometime around the end of July I guess." "Okay... which dates?" "Maybe the last weekend" "... coming in on the Friday?" "Hold on, let me check with my wife..."
We work at the Jellystone. Nothing surprises us.
